You hired smart people. So why are you still doing their job?

Ever notice that no matter how clearly you delegate, critical work still boomerangs back to you?

Discover the psychological dynamic that undermines responsibility transfer—and how to break the cycle.

What you'll learn:

• The unconscious pattern causing your "delegation" to fail despite your expertise and good intentions

• How to recognize when you're trapped in this counterproductive dynamic with your team

• Three practical techniques to create genuine ownership that finally lets you step back

The Story: The Architect's Paradox

"I'll handle this one. We need it done right."

Mark wasn't just any technical cofounder—he was the architectural genius behind three breakthrough innovations that had transformed his industry. His ability to solve complex problems in elegant ways wasn't just respected; it was legendary. Engineers applied to work at his company specifically to learn from him.

But something wasn't working.

"I've hired the brightest engineers I could find," Mark told me during our first coaching session, frustration evident in his voice. "But I'm still the bottleneck on every significant technical challenge."

The pattern had become predictable: Team faces difficult problem → Team struggles → Mark steps in → Problem solved in hours instead of days → Everyone marvels at Mark's brilliance → Team becomes increasingly hesitant to tackle the next complex challenge without Mark's involvement.

I witnessed this firsthand during an architecture review. When questions arose about a particularly thorny scaling issue, the room of talented engineers instinctively turned to Mark. Their body language said everything—slightly hunched shoulders, tentative voices, qualifying statements with "I might be wrong, but..."

Later, Mark's lead engineer revealed the deeper issue: "When you have Michelangelo on your team, you don't confidently present your stick figures. We've learned it's more efficient to create rough outlines and wait for Mark's inevitable improvements than to fully invest in solutions he'll redesign anyway."

This wasn't a team of underperformers. It was a team that had adapted perfectly rationally to an unintended psychological dynamic.

The Insight: The Transactional Trap

What was happening to Mark is brilliantly explained by Transactional Analysis, a psychological framework developed by psychiatrist Eric Berne in the 1950s that remains remarkably relevant to modern leadership challenges.

Berne discovered that despite being chronological adults, in interactions we unconsciously shift between three psychological states:

• Parent: Authoritative, directive, protective

• Adult: Rational, problem-solving, collaborative

• Child: Creative but dependent, seeking approval or rebelling

This framework reveals why Mark's technical brilliance had become his leadership limitation. When he consistently operated from the Parent state ("I'll handle this"), he unintentionally pushed his team into the Child state (dependent, approval-seeking, or occasionally rebellious).

The resulting pattern was psychologically inevitable:

1. Challenge arises → Mark shifts to Parent state ("I'll solve this")

2. Team responds from Child state (becomes passive, awaits solution)

3. Mark sees lack of initiative, reinforces Parent behavior

4. Genuine responsibility transfer becomes impossible

Mark's technical prowess was creating a company-wide learned helplessness masquerading as efficient problem-solving.

Your Quick Win: Breaking the Pattern

Breaking free requires shifting to Adult-Adult transactions. Here are three techniques that created transformation for Mark and can work for you:

1. Recognize Your Triggers

Identify situations that activate your Parent state:

• When team members present incomplete solutions

• During high-pressure situations with tight deadlines

• When you see approaches different from what you would choose

For Mark, recognizing that his urge to jump in was psychological rather than necessary was half the battle. He began to notice the physical sensation—a tightening in his chest and slight forward lean—that preceded his Parent-state interventions.

2. Shift Your Language Patterns

Replace Parent-state phrases with Adult-state alternatives:

• Instead of: "Let me show you how to do this" → "Walk me through your approach"

• Instead of: "This won't work because..." → "I'm curious about how you're thinking about X challenge"

• Instead of: "I'll handle this one" → "What support would be helpful as you tackle this?"

Mark developed a personal rule: he couldn't touch code until he'd asked at least three genuine questions about the team's solution.

3. Create Working Agreements

Establish explicit Adult-Adult working agreements:

• Define who owns what decisions (and which ones truly need your input)

• Create clear escalation criteria

• Document and share your own thinking processes rather than just solutions

Mark instituted "architecture decision records" where engineers documented their reasoning, not just their conclusions. More importantly, he began sharing his own mental models rather than completed solutions, allowing the team to learn his thinking patterns instead of just witnessing his brilliance.

Within a month, the change was remarkable. Engineers began solving complex problems without Mark's intervention. Code quality improved as the team took genuine ownership. And most significantly, Mark found himself working on new innovations rather than constantly rescuing existing projects.

His realization: "My technical superiority was creating teamwide inferiority. By stepping back, I've created space for others to step up."

Remember, true delegation isn't about handing off tasks—it's about creating the psychological conditions where responsibility can genuinely transfer.

What relationship in your organization needs shifting from Parent-Child to Adult-Adult? I'd love to hear your story.